Why Beautiful Hurts and The Joy of the Palm Tree Gate

I watch the wind weave through the lush long grass. Each stem and its leaf dance in harmony with the others; all of them together are participating in pattern creation of endless possibilities. Suddenly the breeze notices me and ruffles my hair. It tickles my face and sweeps the hair over my eyes, I turn around and it turns with me. I turn again and the wind does the same…I realize, it’s playing with me, making me dance like it does with the grass  and the clouds above in the sky, and I smile. The wind confirms my thoughts by gently breathing my hair away from my eyes, so I can see into the distance. I inhale, and take the breeze into my lungs, it spreads through my veins into my heart like liquid gold, and I feel it in my soul. Oh, God, it’s beautiful, thank you.

I bask in the mesmerizing happy glow for a while, but then I feel a jolt of sadness. A pang of regret is creeping in, because it’s so beautiful it hurts, because I want to share it, because I want everyone to feel it, because I want you to feel it. To feel it with your whole being just like it’s harmonizing in mine.

But most of all it hurts, because I feel guilty. How can I feel like this? How can I enjoy it, when others can’t? When there is so much suffering in the world. How can it be? When the clouds reflect in the stream with such ease. How can life be so beautiful, yet there is so much ugliness in the hearts of some people? Their heart is beating just as mine or yours, but at some point it was poisoned and their soul was taken away causing unbearable misery to all those innocent creatures near and far. And there are others who still have their soul, and their heart is beating to the right tune, but they are lost and deceived, or fooled, awake yet asleep.

Could they still be reached? What do they feel when they see the clouds? Can the clouds reflect in the water molecules of their bodies also? What about the breathtaking sunsets, the children playing in the park, the animals with their young, and all life sprouting all around…? How can they feel anything but love and compassion and magic?

Right now I don’t have any answers, and there is nothing I can do in this moment, so I lay down and catch the brilliant shine of the diamonds sparkling through hair of the grass, shining through my eyes into the depths of my soul. I allow myself to feel happy again, as I watch the cloud scenery float above, and I see the faces of those I love, and the feeling swells in my chest until it overflows my heart and bursts out into the ether. I love them even more. In this very moment I love everyone and everything.

I swear, I feel your presence, I am certain that you are here with me. You are everywhere and in everything all around, you are the ground beneath me, the trees swaying gently in the breeze… you are the breeze and the grass waving to me. Your face is in the clouds. You are smiling with your deep knowing eyes. I look right into them and connect willingly, and just like that I am pulled out and into you. I let it happen for I have no other choice, nor a will to resist. It’s simply incredible, but I long for more.

I move my hand to touch your face, but it goes through the air. How can that be? I long for your embrace, my whole being desires to feel your arms around me. Just one hug would be enough to sustain me for eternity. Just one simple embrace would be more than enough to carry me on a wave of never ending bliss. But no more than that. More than one would be too much. Too much happiness would combust my heart and break my soul into billions of pieces.

I cannot stay still for another second, so I get up and start moving. For now I am happy just to know you feel the same way about me, and I can be with you any time I look up to the heavens. And one day I will feel your sweet embrace, I know that for sure. So I set off again on this wonderful journey, and let it be. I let it go, because happiness is everywhere, and I am in awe of all the beauty and perfection of all creation surrounding me, and I am grateful.

I am grateful, that I can see the sunset today, that I can loose myself in the beautiful clouds, as I watch them dance high above. They are merging with one another and making new shapes with such ease. Lucid and fluid. And they don’t cry when they dissolve, or when they change their shape, because their essence remains the same.

The wind is playing its part nudging them gently along. And when I feel the breeze caressing my cheek again, I know it’s the same wind that touched you. It’s the same wind that ran through your hair that is now touching mine…and it is the same air you breathed yesterday that is entering my mouth right now.

The sun is setting fast coloring the sky. I see a lion kissing a lamb in the palm tree gate and I laugh with joy, because you just sent me a sign that everything is going to be alright. That the predators of this world can still find and open their hearts to love and compassion with the weaker, innocent and suffering.

Thank you. I am happy, and I wish you the same. I love you. Good night. xox