Gia slammed the journal shut almost violently and threw it on the floor. She pulled her knees toward her chest and hugged them tight, her heart beating so hard, it almost jumped out of her chest. Whoah, her body was reacting in the exact same way now as it did years ago. But Luke isn’t even here…
A million thoughts went through her head all at once. No, that was not possible! She was going mad! Why was she still feeling this way? Did she still love him? Was this love anyway?
Gia wished that she was strong enough not to read her old, cursed journal, but she could not help herself. It was too late, she couldn’t stop. Confused, lost and out of control again, she hated herself… Read More…
It has been a few days since Gia found her old journal in the attic. She was trying very hard to not go there again. As she was visiting her past she quickly realised, that she made a terrible mistake opening that diary. She has been trying to distract herself from thinking about Luke by going out and visiting friends, but it was not working . She felt the familiar pull into the darkness.
And now the house was quiet, everyone was out and she was alone, only with her thoughts for company. A disastrous combination. She walked slowly up in to her room blatantly lying to herself, that she was just getting a book, but she knew very well that she was not going to read the book.
There she was, sitting on her bed on a sunny afternoon, light breeze making the sheer curtains dance. “Well, I already read some of it and now I can’t stop thinking about it, so I might as well read the rest.” she thought. But of course she was wrong, it was not that bad yet and she still had a chance to forget it. The pull was stronger though. “Besides she was not a teenager any more and she could deal with it and solve this once and for all, right?!”
9th December 1992
“Peter was not at school today and Dasies were copying some poems that he scribbled on his desk. There was a lot! They asked me to help them and I ended up sitting right next to Luke. Daisies lent me their walkman, but there was some crap music on it, so I asked Luke if he had some “normal” music.”
Gia smiled at that memory. Luke looked up quite surprised that Gia approached him. “I only have Krabathor and King Diamond, you probably won’t like that.”
“Cool, I actually do like Krabathor!” Gia was also surprised, that they have a same taste in music. “Have you seen them live? They played two weeks ago, and they were amazing!!” Luke looked at her in disbelief, Krabathor wasn’t exactly a girly type of music. It was the heaviest type of metal music known to man.
“No I don’t go to gigs that much.” he said.
Gia has grown to love it, because it helped her to deal with her dad. The anger in the music was fitting in how she felt at times and also prevented her from dissolving into an emotional mess. She also liked, that it was different and not mainstream, and after a very long time living as an obedient good girl she was rebelling.
Her looks were quite eccentric too. She sported a dramatic hair style with a side swept fringe covering her eye. “Maybe that’s why Luke kept staring at her, because she looked different.” she thought. “Or maybe he likes my eyes.” In her opinion, it was the only beautiful feature, that she had. Overall she thought herself to have average looks, not very pretty.
After she was finished with the poems she handed Luke the tape back.
“So, what do you think about King Diamond?”
“I don’t really know his music that much.”
“You can borrow the tape if you want.”
“Yeah, ok! Thanks.” she smiled. Luke smiled too.
She listened to the tape on the way back from school, it was an old school metal with King Diamond alternating singing in falsetto and a low growl. She found it quite interesting, very theatrical and dramatic.
Lucky to get a seat on the bus, she was watching people getting on and off the vehicle and thinking about Luke. She was quite intrigued about this guy now. He was quiet, not talking to anybody, just Peter and now Gia. They have the same taste in music…and he keeps looking at her. But not in a normal way.
She always knows when he is looking, she can sense it and when she looks up, they lock eyes for longer than is normal, it is usually Gia who looks away. There are no smiles. Feeling almost exhausted by it afterwards, as if he sucked the soul out of her body and at the same time there is this euphoria. She is confused. “Why am I feeling that way? I don’t even fancy this guy, he is quite tall and has short brown hair and brown eyes, I don’t find him good looking at all. So WTF is this?”