21st August 1995
Laughing and crying.
Hot long Days, Short Nights.
Sun and Storms. Visiting and Traveling.
Meeting and Greeting. Smoking and Drinking.
Never much Writing nor Thinking.
Kissing and Heartbreaking.
10th October 1995
The class were on their autumn school trip. The days were short, wet and gray. The ground was damp and rotting leaves scent was mixing with smoke from the town chimneys. They were painting and sketching the foggy landscape, or wet trees. Cold stiff fingers struggling to hold pencils and brushes. Darting eyes from landscape to paper. Concentration, frustration and finally release with the finished work. Read More…
22nd May 1995
I am sitting on a porch of our little wooden cottage, as the sun is setting behind the hills on the horizon. We have been on our spring trip, for two days already. Nothing much is happening, but I am still full of hope, that we will finally speak again, Lokie!
Anna is strumming her guitar, conjuring up these really sad and melancholic melodies, and it’s making me so incredibly sad now, because I haven’t seen you much, Lokie. Read More…
24th March 1995
Dear Lokie, why haven’t you been to school today? I think, I know the answer to that. Actually, I was quite glad that you weren’t there, because I am still trying to get over the shock, I got yesterday. It was just awful, absolutely terrible!!!!
I had to leave the studio early, because I was meeting Mum. It was quite a bright day with a light breeze playing with a grass in the field behind the bus stop. I was feeling quite cheerful, because Lokie gave me a quizzical look as I was leaving. I was secretly glad, that Lokie would now wonder why I had to leave, as I often wondered, why Lokie’s school attendance has been so sporadic lately. Read More…
15th January 1995
It’s Sunday evening. I am finally in my room, sitting on a big radiator by the window, thawing my bones, and watching snowflake after snowflake, like tiny feathers floating to the ground. I can’t imagine, that it will ever stop, it just keeps on coming, lighting up the darkness of the night and my soul. There is something eerie about snow covered land. The silence.
Anyway, I am supposed to study for my exams, and I am putting it off again, as usual. Sylvi was helping me to take my paintings to a gallery for our exhibition today, and we met Peter at a bus stop. He just came to us and said hello, and we chatted for a while. Hey, why can’t Lokie just do that? Read More…
9th January 1995
Another year has gone. A brand new calendar hanging on the wall. In with the new, out with the old. What a year! A lot has happened. Never mind. I do not want to regret anything, I have done.
I found out today that you don’t have K. in your heart any more, Lokie. You have no idea how good that feels. Anna and I looked at your folder today, and K.’s initials disappeared from everything. Gone. Erased. I am euphoric! I more than love you! I never felt this before. You are the only one that gives me something, the others gave me for a very short time only. I thrive in desire for someone who is not accessible to me. That is my bread, water, my life… Read More…
6th July 1994
I am glad, I don’t have to deal with C. or Lokie. The weather is beautiful. I am at Grandma’s, spending lazy hot days cooling in a lake, or under my tree writing or painting. Absorbing energy from the peaceful air and nature that is surrounding me. At nights we go to a cinema with the village boys, or to a gig. But we especially like to make bonfires under the old bridge behind the village. We sit, chat, play guitar, while gazing into a crackling fire. I love the sounds of forest, the grasshoppers, frogs and other animals making sounds in the darkness. And the smell! It is a smell of a summer night. The heat trapped in stones and concrete mixed with the dampness of evening grass. It is so nice, that I do not want to go back to the city, but I have to start my summer job, oh well, there is nothing I can do about it! Read More…