Part 52 The Unthinkable
*TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE*
After hearing back from Dana and having her full support and encouragement, Gia took a deep breath and pressed send. Quickly. Before she could change her mind. This was it! Possibly the bravest and also the craziest thing, that Gia had ever done.
Her heart was flapping wildly like a bird’s wings in a storm, as the images of Lokie’s face reading her email invaded her mind, and her stomach turned making her cringe in shame over and over again.
“Gia, stop! Don’t torture yourself! Instead imagine, how much better you’ll feel when all this is over!” her rational voice interfered.
“I know, I know! I guess, it really doesn’t matter anymore, what Lokie will think of me, Dana is right, and so are you! We can do this!” Gia took a few slow and deep breaths to center herself.
Lokie would probably need some time to digest the words that were never spelled out before so shockingly, but it would not be complete news to him… He would probably reply much later today or perhaps tomorrow… She’d wait two days max, then she’d have to deal with it, because Gia knew that if he didn’t answer within two days, he never would…
She could not stay still for a second longer! Her body, full of nervous energy, was compelling her to jump up and do something. Anything. Anything to escape the detrimental magnetic pull of the otherworld.
“Aria! Mimi! Where are you?” Gia called out to her little girls, as she walked through the house picking the clothes and toys, following the trail upstairs into the bedroom. She heard their cute little voices acting out a story Gia read them earlier. She stood by the door for a few moments, listened and watched them sitting in a circle of their cherished soft animals.
Mimi pressed “Didi’s” soft arm, and a hauntingly beautiful song lingered: “I looovee youuu, my sweeeeet sunshineeee, and I will looooove youuu foreeeever…” Gia smiled, she would have watched them forever, if Aria hadn’t noticed her standing there.
“Mommy!!!” they jumped up and run into her arms.
“Soon, my darlings, soon you will have your mummy back, I promise!” she crouched down and kissed them on their soft cheeks.
“You wanna play with us, Mommy?” Aria asked.
“Maybe later, I have a better idea,” two pairs of eyes were on her as she paused for a dramatic effect- “let’s get dressed, we are going out!!”
“Yay!” they responded in unison and then run around the room jumping up and down.
On the way to the playground, Gia texted Dana to let her know that the deed was done and to thank her for her help and support.
Then she breathed in the fragrant late May air and focused on the sky, the breeze caressing the grass and tree leaves, the buzzing bees hovering above beautiful plants in the neighbors’ gardens. They said hello to every barking dog, they passed along the way. Life would be beautiful again, she knew it!
They spent hours in the playground, much to the kids’ delight, and when they noticed their rumbling bellies, they slowly made their way back to the house.
Gia proceeded in preparing dinner, she chopped the vegetables with rigor resisting the urge to answer the computer’s enticing calls.
“There is no point checking, Gia, it’s too soon.” the voice of reason insisted.
“I know, you are probably right…” Gia sighed and continued with the meal preparation, punishing the potatoes with fierce stabs and chops.
After the meal she put the TV on for the girls, and made a fresh cup of coffee. She was working deliberately slow to delay the moment she would go to check her email. But as nothing lasts forever, there was nothing else preventing her putting the computer on…
WHOA! A reply from Lokie, already?! She was shocked, it was too soon, and wait a minute, something didn’t seem right about the reply…
30th May 2011
I am very sorry, I know, that this email….Gia could see the first line of the email. The tone was all wrong…As if a stranger wrote it…Was he actually trying to deny even knowing Gia???? Disturbed, she clicked it to open..
I am very sorry, I know, that this email was for Luke..I am his wife, my name is Hana. I have to tell you something terrible and absolutely insane…Luke is dead, he died on Saturday…I am sorting out his things, or at least I am trying to..I read your email..and I understand most of it..I probably won’t be able to answer you for him, but I think that I can explain a lot of things about him. I can tell you what he was like, what kind of problems he had, and maybe it might give you some explanation…you are not the first one who had such problem with Luke…I believe that you are talking about the time before I knew him, so obviously I am not able to tell you what it all meant in relation to you specifically, but I can explain to you what it meant in relation to other women, and perhaps you can find in it an explanation for yourself.
It is absolutely crazy what is happening right now…that I am dealing with something like this..but just simply..if you want, come or call, and I will tell you what I can about him, and perhaps it will help you. My phone number is xxxxxx and my email xxxx
Gia stared at the screen. Nothing. Nothing. For a moment there was nothing. Then pins and needless rushed through her body…Everything slowed down into a sticky black fog…Gia’s mind was not able to comprehend what she had just read. Wide eyed and motionless. Fragmented images of a headline. News article she read the morning after the reunion, flashed before her eyes.
A train…a man….dead… on rail tracks….a train…. a train fatally wounded a man near Sitav…….,….police investigating…..possible suicide….
A tragic accident near Sitav….., on Saturday May 28th 2011 at 3pm…..,a thirty-four year old male suffered fatal wounds…., the police later identified the man from Sitav, and are now investigating what the he was doing on the rail tracks….
On the rail tracks…a man…dead……Lokie…….a sucide.…………a suicide………………a suicide…………
Original writing and photo © Gia Joseph and Giasuniverse, 2015
This Love Video: © 2008 WMG