Part 49 How To “Kill” Lokie

Prague at night giasuniverse

Gia willed her brain to work. How the hell was she going to tell Peter what the problem was? And so they just sat there in silence, in the glorious early morning sun stinging their eyes. Several times Gia opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again, and Peter witnessing the struggle within her waited patiently.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, you will think, I am nuts.” she finally started.

“Who isn’t nuts, Gia?” he looked her reassuringly, but with a slightly puzzled expression.

“Well…” Gia tried again, but the words just wouldn’t come out.

“It’s okay, take your time.” Peter said and threw a tiny stone into a nearby bush. Gia welcomed the distraction and did the same. And so they sat there, God knows how long, throwing tiny little stones into the bushes.

“How long has your brother been living here?” Peter suddenly changed the subject.

“Oh, about three years…So, what about you, have you ever thought about moving from here?”

“I would love to, but I have to look after my mum and sister.”

“Oh, I am sorry…, Okay, Peter…”

“Yeah?”

“You know, I was really hoping to talk to Luke last night…” there, she finally said it.

“Luke?” Peter looked at Gia in surprise, like he was not sure what Luke had to do with all of this.

“Yeah, I don’t know, if you know anything about this, but there is a kind of an unfinished business between us, and I just wanted to talk to him. And when he didn’t come, it just really hit me hard, because I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that something terrible has happened.” Gia’s voice broke at the last sentence and a single tear escaped her eye. She quickly wiped it with a her sleeve and looked at him. Peter was now in a quiet contemplation.

“So, do you know anything that could help me out of my misery?”

After a few moments Peter finally replied, “I do not remember much…, once he said that he just didn’t know what to do with you.”

“Well, that made the two of us, because I didn’t know what to do with him either. The whole thing was really strange, and we were going to talk about it last night. Why didn’t he just come? Was it because of me? Or because something happened?”

“Well, we would be guessing here, Gia. I wish, I could help you-.”

“Well, maybe you can…that is, if you still want to?”

“Of course, that’s what I told you.”

“Okay,” Gia threw another stone into a bush, “would you please find out what happened last night?”

“Leave it with me, and please Gia, do not worry about this too much, I am sure there is a perfectly innocent explanation!” he smiled.

“Thanks,- and Peter, please, do not tell him about this-me reacting like this, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Well, I better go.” Gia got up and kissed Peter on the cheek. “You’ll let me know, right?”

“Yes, I said, I would, now go, get some rest!”

***

The flat was still quiet. Gia tiptoed into the living room and switched on the computer. She checked her email, but there was nothing from Lokie. Come on Lokie, what happened? Perhaps he really did take a train, and there was an accident or something…

Gia typed into Google Train-Accident-Sitav. She quickly scanned through the search results. A train accident near Sitav, an unidentified male suffered fatal wounds, the police were now investigating what the man was doing on the rail tracks. Gia shivered. No, that’s not it. What else? A train was delayed on the way to Slovakia. Next, a mugging in central Sitav. The police were urging any witnesses to come forward. Nope. Nothing.

Gia switched the computer off, washed her face and fell into bed. Her body, heavy as rocks, refused to move any further, so she just resigned to sleep in an uncomfortable position. A kaleidoscope of fantastical images soon filled her mind. The ancient Prague buildings, the Apostles with the skeleton ringing the bell, Drew and the kids’ innocent faces, the seven four leaf clovers she found, Lokie’s face, all pained and distant, wading through upstream river, her classmates faces laughing all around her with grotesque faces….

After some time she finally moved and having had enough of the crazy images tormenting her, she got up and dressed her sleep deprived body. It was hard to pinpoint the source of the intense pain. Was it physical, mental or emotional? Probably all three. The journey to her parents house was a torment in itself, as she willed herself to hold it together in front of the passengers on the public transport.

But she could not, and in the end she didn’t care who was staring at her anymore. She just wanted to be alone, so she walked the rest of the way, barely seeing in front of her through the tears that just would not stop. A phone rang and rang, when she finally looked who was calling. It was Anna.

“Hey, Gia, how are you?”

“Not good Anna, I am a total mess, I am just walking home, and I still can’t comprehend, what happened last night. Why didn’t Lokie turn up?”

“Well, he obviously lost the nerve, he must have a series problem with you still…”

“Yeah, I think so too…, either that, or something bad happened.”

“What do you mean, Gia?”

“I don’t know exactly, Anna.”

“Listen, just get home and get in the shower, then have some rest, soon you will better, and you never know perhaps by tomorrow you will know something…”

“Thanks, Anna, I am here now anyway.” said Gia, as she walked through the gate. She heard commotion in the garden. Oh, great just what she needed right now! It took her all her strength to keep it together, she magicked a smile on her face and walked in to greet her family.

***

About an hour later she finally sat down on her bed, her hair wet from the shower. The water washed the grime, but couldn’t get rid of the pain and emotional storm. At last she was alone, she didn’t have to pretend anymore. She just laid there for minutes, maybe for hours, the sounds of life in the distance, a happy life-her children’s tiny voices giggling, as if the world left her behind and continued without her…

Her phone rang again, it was Dana this time.

“Hi Gia, how did it go? I am dying to know!” Dana asked full of excitement.

“Oh, Dana…” Gia’s voice broke, and she lost her speech again.

“Oh, no, Gia! What happened?” her friend’s voice full of concern made Gia feel even worse, but at least she didn’t have to hide anything. Dana was the only person in the world who knew. “Please, Gia, you are scaring me! What is it?”

“Nothing…” Gia managed to say through the sobs.

“Well, it can’t be nothing, if you are this upset, Gia!”

“I mean, I can’t explain it, Dana…I mean what happened was, that he didn’t show up-that kind of nothing…” Gia managed to string a sentence together.

“I see, you must be gutted, you wanted this for so long, but Gia, you sound like a complete mess, that’s not exactly normal!” Dana said. She always spoke with candid frankness, and Gia loved that about her friend.

“I know! I think, I am going totally crazy, because there is something else…”

“Oh, yeah?”

“I can’t explain it, but I felt so weird all day yesterday. At first I thought it was the nerves of seeing him, you know, and as the day went by, I felt this growing dread in my heart, and then when he didn’t show up…, I…I am scared Dana. I feel that something terrible has happened to Lokie, or to his kid, or something…”

“Wow, Gia, that is heavy! I get it now, but you can’t leave it like this, you have a serious problem.”

“Yeah, tell me about it!”

“Okay, here is what you will do – and I will help you to get trough this, okay?-You will have to finish this once and for all, and the option, you have right now, is to write to him. ” Dana was formulating a plan.

Gia wiped her tears. “Okay, and say what?”

“I know, this will be beyond hard for you, and it will be so embarrassing, but what can be worse than feeling like this? You have to face it head on. You have to write to him exactly what your problem is, and he has to tell you the truth. Remember you were talking about getting rid of the limerence?”

“Yes, I remember..”

“Okay, so right now, make yourself a cup of coffee and start writing! Be as truthful as you can, I’ll email you some points to include, then email it back to me. Do not worry, Gia we will beat this, you are not alone, I will help you!” Dana’s strong resolute voice reached deep inside Gia. She was not sure whether this was the right thing to do, but at least she had a plan now. She had nothing to loose by just writing it down, she could decide later whether to send it or not.

“Dana, I love you so much, thank you, you are a real friend, you are helping me so much, you have no idea!” Gia wiped the rest of her tears, and instantly felt better, she had a purpose again – a mission. A way to get rid of these irrational feelings.

She jumped up and went downstairs to make the cup of coffee just as Dana ordered. Normally she hated orders, but right now she needed someone to tell her what to do. Then she switched on the computer and opened her email. Dana had already written, as she promised.

29th of May 2011

Subject: Working title of your letter: How to “kill” Lokie…

Original writing and photo © Gia Joseph and Giasuniverse, 2015

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About giasuniverse

I am compelled to create, I now realize that this is a gift from God, I want to make him happy by sharing it with others. My aim is to bring enjoyment to people, and help in any way I can. I wish to know and do many things. Some of them I do and others I do in my imaginary life. A life long learner, a truth seeker, a philosopher, a dreamer, an adventurer, an artist, and a writer on this wonderful journey called life.

17 responses to “Part 49 How To “Kill” Lokie”

  1. Grandtrines says :

    Reblogged this on Grandtrines and commented:
    Not astrology, per se, but we like the work of this writer and are passing it along.

    Like

  2. sonniq says :

    I was too tired to read much. I saw you posted on OM’s blog. If this is #49 can I read backward?! Anyway I’ll be back. I think you posted a few people before me.

    Like

    • giasuniverse says :

      Thank you for visiting! If you’d like to read the whole story, scroll down a little, there is a link in categories called the Beginning. Once this first draft is finished, I will go over it again, rewrite and organize it better. But you can pick any post to start reading. My most recent posts are probably better, as I improved and grew into my style.
      It’s funny, I also felt too tired to read longer posts today. I will definitely be back to read Jamie’s story. 🙂 Gia x

      Liked by 1 person

      • sonniq says :

        Jamie’s story is heavy. But that is why I started to write the book. I started the blog to organize the subject of his letters. Now i wrote the book to bring the character to life. and yes, going to the beginning is the only way to understand as i am sure yours is too. I also like to think that I am getting better as I write. I enjoy the process of writing and learning and much has already gone into rewrite. My writing needs to save a life – to change a life and give it meaning. To give him a life that is more than the word “convict” or “felon”. Getting to the end will be interesting to see if I come out with a product that will enable him to have a life beyond prison walls when prison walls is all he knows. I’ll be getting to know you better, though, to be sure, and see your process, too.

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      • giasuniverse says :

        What you are doing Sonniq is wonderful, I read the first chapter, it really gives you a glimpse of what it’s like in prison. I really never thought about it before that much, in fact I am quite shocked, because when I lived in the UK I often heard stories how good prisoners have it, comparing it to life in a four star hotel! Either it is not true, or it is different to US prisons.
        I am glad that you brought it to my attention. I’d have to say thanks to OM for having the “share party” 🙂
        You are right about starting to read at the beginning to get the full impact/understanding of the whole story.It is like I am taking you along on a journey… and I mainly started writing it to get more understanding of what happened, to share the experience, which might help others, and because I had an overwhelming urge to turn something quite bad into something good. So I wouldn’t have a feeling that all that was for nothing.

        Liked by 1 person

      • sonniq says :

        I always enjoyed writing but it wasn’t until Jamie that I took it seriously. Afteryears of letters i thought it was a story to tell because I like you had no idea. All I knew was. what I learnedin movies our TV . The prisons in the UK are pretty bad,too. i wanted to use the blog to categorize Things to write a book. “inside the Forbidden outside” which I’m writing now.” 4 chapters are posted here and I started a new blog http://insidetheforbiddenoutside.wordpress.com. Sadly right now they threw him back in solitary again for the third time for another year on trumpted up charges. I’ve heard people say they think prisoners had it good. That’snot the case. At the to of the page is a menu button. That is where the pages are. There it’s a short video about being in solitary for 18 1/2 years. It’s an eye opener. Thank you for reading very much.

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      • giasuniverse says :

        I think, that a very strong story, or an urge to help does that- it makes you start writing seriously, it is like the tale fights to get out!
        It’s shocking what general public awareness is about certain topics, often it is downright false! We should not believe what the media feeds us and do our own research.
        I am glad that we connected, and I will be reading Jamie’s story and spread the word. Thanks Sonniq and good luck to you and Jamie!xx

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      • sonniq says :

        And thank you too. There will always be people who prefer to not know anything, people who are afraid of change and i have meet many people where their suppose our partner has a stronger personality and they just go along with what they believe to keep the peace. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round and I am trying to learn patience with people who just look the other way whether it is right of wrong. {{hugs to you}}

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      • giasuniverse says :

        You are welcome! In this day and age, people are kept busy by their own existential needs, the rest of the time we are distracted by mindless TV programs and other “entertainment”. The focus is on self-appearance, prestige, money… That is enough to keep most of us ignorant, so evil deeds can go virtually unnoticed under our nose.
        And sometimes when we glimpse the truth we turn a blind eye, because it is easier, and like you said we are afraid of change.
        But if there is at least one person, like you, that can start an avalanche of change. Just like a butterfly effect. 🙂 (((Hugs))

        Liked by 1 person

      • sonniq says :

        You are right – that is most people. About 20 years ago I tossed my TV. Too many mindless hours watching something because we are too lazy to get up of the sofa. I love entertainment. There are different shows and movies my husband I like and he downloads them and we come together for dinner and a show in the evening. Then it is turned off. Trouble is, those with TVs it usually stays on for the rest of the evening. My mother loves her “Murder she Wrote” and the “antiques Roadshow” and can’t comprehend why I spend my time behind a computer. She hates her computer. Different generation. I try to fill my day with things that are important to me, but everyone is different. How many new projects is someone going to start when they are in their 80’s? But when I get to the end of my life I don’t want to be disappointed in myself – that there was something I could have done that might have made a difference to someone but I didn’t take the time or didn’t have th courage. what makes ME think I can do some thing I have never done before? Simply because I say “I can”, not “I can’t”. It’s going to be interesting when I see where this will be at the end. Will it be what I imagine? Will I have the energy to see this through and will Jamie be able to stand on his own to feet, carry the vision forward, and have the life he wants to have? I can open the door and give him the opportunity, but he will have to walk through it.

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      • giasuniverse says :

        We do the same, we choose what we watch, no channel surfing here 🙂 And same here with the internet, it is a huge time eater, but if you are doing something to help someone, it is worthy. I also do not want to have any regrets, when I get to the end of my life.
        Like I said before, what you are doing for Jamie is amazing, I wish you both good luck and a happy ending! It probably won’t be an easy ride, all that he went through in his life, and being locked up and treated inhumanely it ultimately affects one’s mind, he will need a lot of support that’s for sure.
        By the way I LOVE the music you composed it is so ethereally beautiful! x

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      • sonniq says :

        Thank you so much for your kind words. And you are right about it being tough. Getting out is the first thing. Staying out is another story. No life experience. No wisdom. No education. No work history and no jobs. No one will want to rent to him. It is why 71% end up back inside. No support structure. Some of my family thinks I’m nuts putting all this into a convict. But he is also one grandson’s father so he is like a son to me.Was I supposed to reach a point and say, “I’m done?” I don’t think so.

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  3. L Rosamond Richards says :

    Would need to read from the beginning or other areas to fully get an idea of what’s going on, so I’ll return and read more, but so far so good. Congrats on your hard work and good luck with it.

    Like

    • giasuniverse says :

      Thank you for the feedback and compliment, Lattis! I was curious and found your book on Amazon, I looked in, and in the foreword you speak of your story as a spiritual gift, something that wanted to be written, isn’t it funny that we just talked about the same above! That’s exactly how it feels! Right now I just have to finish it, it won’t leave me alone. 😛 When it is completed, I’ll organize it better, so it it easier to read from the beginning.
      Congratulations on your book too!I started reading the preview, and now I want to read the rest! Do you have any tips on publishing? Something you wished you knew before you did it? Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks Gia x

      Like

  4. Unknown says :

    DARN IT! THAT LOKIE! I love where the plot is heading! So far, I had a feeling that Lokie was not going to show up. Now, I must read what will happen next!!!!
    AhhH!!!

    Like

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