Part 49 How To “Kill” Lokie
Gia willed her brain to work. How the hell was she going to tell Peter what the problem was? And so they just sat there in silence, in the glorious early morning sun stinging their eyes. Several times Gia opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again, and Peter witnessing the struggle within her waited patiently.
“I don’t know how to tell you this, you will think, I am nuts.” she finally started.
“Who isn’t nuts, Gia?” he looked her reassuringly, but with a slightly puzzled expression.
“Well…” Gia tried again, but the words just wouldn’t come out.
“It’s okay, take your time.” Peter said and threw a tiny stone into a nearby bush. Gia welcomed the distraction and did the same. And so they sat there, God knows how long, throwing tiny little stones into the bushes.
“How long has your brother been living here?” Peter suddenly changed the subject.
“Oh, about three years…So, what about you, have you ever thought about moving from here?”
“I would love to, but I have to look after my mum and sister.”
“Oh, I am sorry…, Okay, Peter…”
“You know, I was really hoping to talk to Luke last night…” there, she finally said it.
“Luke?” Peter looked at Gia in surprise, like he was not sure what Luke had to do with all of this.
“Yeah, I don’t know, if you know anything about this, but there is a kind of an unfinished business between us, and I just wanted to talk to him. And when he didn’t come, it just really hit me hard, because I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that something terrible has happened.” Gia’s voice broke at the last sentence and a single tear escaped her eye. She quickly wiped it with a her sleeve and looked at him. Peter was now in a quiet contemplation.
“So, do you know anything that could help me out of my misery?”
After a few moments Peter finally replied, “I do not remember much…, once he said that he just didn’t know what to do with you.”
“Well, that made the two of us, because I didn’t know what to do with him either. The whole thing was really strange, and we were going to talk about it last night. Why didn’t he just come? Was it because of me? Or because something happened?”
“Well, we would be guessing here, Gia. I wish, I could help you-.”
“Well, maybe you can…that is, if you still want to?”
“Of course, that’s what I told you.”
“Okay,” Gia threw another stone into a bush, “would you please find out what happened last night?”
“Leave it with me, and please Gia, do not worry about this too much, I am sure there is a perfectly innocent explanation!” he smiled.
“Thanks,- and Peter, please, do not tell him about this-me reacting like this, okay?”
“Well, I better go.” Gia got up and kissed Peter on the cheek. “You’ll let me know, right?”
“Yes, I said, I would, now go, get some rest!”
The flat was still quiet. Gia tiptoed into the living room and switched on the computer. She checked her email, but there was nothing from Lokie. Come on Lokie, what happened? Perhaps he really did take a train, and there was an accident or something…
Gia typed into Google Train-Accident-Sitav. She quickly scanned through the search results. A train accident near Sitav, an unidentified male suffered fatal wounds, the police were now investigating what the man was doing on the rail tracks. Gia shivered. No, that’s not it. What else? A train was delayed on the way to Slovakia. Next, a mugging in central Sitav. The police were urging any witnesses to come forward. Nope. Nothing.
Gia switched the computer off, washed her face and fell into bed. Her body, heavy as rocks, refused to move any further, so she just resigned to sleep in an uncomfortable position. A kaleidoscope of fantastical images soon filled her mind. The ancient Prague buildings, the Apostles with the skeleton ringing the bell, Drew and the kids’ innocent faces, the seven four leaf clovers she found, Lokie’s face, all pained and distant, wading through upstream river, her classmates faces laughing all around her with grotesque faces….
After some time she finally moved and having had enough of the crazy images tormenting her, she got up and dressed her sleep deprived body. It was hard to pinpoint the source of the intense pain. Was it physical, mental or emotional? Probably all three. The journey to her parents house was a torment in itself, as she willed herself to hold it together in front of the passengers on the public transport.
But she could not, and in the end she didn’t care who was staring at her anymore. She just wanted to be alone, so she walked the rest of the way, barely seeing in front of her through the tears that just would not stop. A phone rang and rang, when she finally looked who was calling. It was Anna.
“Hey, Gia, how are you?”
“Not good Anna, I am a total mess, I am just walking home, and I still can’t comprehend, what happened last night. Why didn’t Lokie turn up?”
“Well, he obviously lost the nerve, he must have a series problem with you still…”
“Yeah, I think so too…, either that, or something bad happened.”
“What do you mean, Gia?”
“I don’t know exactly, Anna.”
“Listen, just get home and get in the shower, then have some rest, soon you will better, and you never know perhaps by tomorrow you will know something…”
“Thanks, Anna, I am here now anyway.” said Gia, as she walked through the gate. She heard commotion in the garden. Oh, great just what she needed right now! It took her all her strength to keep it together, she magicked a smile on her face and walked in to greet her family.
About an hour later she finally sat down on her bed, her hair wet from the shower. The water washed the grime, but couldn’t get rid of the pain and emotional storm. At last she was alone, she didn’t have to pretend anymore. She just laid there for minutes, maybe for hours, the sounds of life in the distance, a happy life-her children’s tiny voices giggling, as if the world left her behind and continued without her…
Her phone rang again, it was Dana this time.
“Hi Gia, how did it go? I am dying to know!” Dana asked full of excitement.
“Oh, Dana…” Gia’s voice broke, and she lost her speech again.
“Oh, no, Gia! What happened?” her friend’s voice full of concern made Gia feel even worse, but at least she didn’t have to hide anything. Dana was the only person in the world who knew. “Please, Gia, you are scaring me! What is it?”
“Nothing…” Gia managed to say through the sobs.
“Well, it can’t be nothing, if you are this upset, Gia!”
“I mean, I can’t explain it, Dana…I mean what happened was, that he didn’t show up-that kind of nothing…” Gia managed to string a sentence together.
“I see, you must be gutted, you wanted this for so long, but Gia, you sound like a complete mess, that’s not exactly normal!” Dana said. She always spoke with candid frankness, and Gia loved that about her friend.
“I know! I think, I am going totally crazy, because there is something else…”
“I can’t explain it, but I felt so weird all day yesterday. At first I thought it was the nerves of seeing him, you know, and as the day went by, I felt this growing dread in my heart, and then when he didn’t show up…, I…I am scared Dana. I feel that something terrible has happened to Lokie, or to his kid, or something…”
“Wow, Gia, that is heavy! I get it now, but you can’t leave it like this, you have a serious problem.”
“Yeah, tell me about it!”
“Okay, here is what you will do – and I will help you to get trough this, okay?-You will have to finish this once and for all, and the option, you have right now, is to write to him. ” Dana was formulating a plan.
Gia wiped her tears. “Okay, and say what?”
“I know, this will be beyond hard for you, and it will be so embarrassing, but what can be worse than feeling like this? You have to face it head on. You have to write to him exactly what your problem is, and he has to tell you the truth. Remember you were talking about getting rid of the limerence?”
“Yes, I remember..”
“Okay, so right now, make yourself a cup of coffee and start writing! Be as truthful as you can, I’ll email you some points to include, then email it back to me. Do not worry, Gia we will beat this, you are not alone, I will help you!” Dana’s strong resolute voice reached deep inside Gia. She was not sure whether this was the right thing to do, but at least she had a plan now. She had nothing to loose by just writing it down, she could decide later whether to send it or not.
“Dana, I love you so much, thank you, you are a real friend, you are helping me so much, you have no idea!” Gia wiped the rest of her tears, and instantly felt better, she had a purpose again – a mission. A way to get rid of these irrational feelings.
She jumped up and went downstairs to make the cup of coffee just as Dana ordered. Normally she hated orders, but right now she needed someone to tell her what to do. Then she switched on the computer and opened her email. Dana had already written, as she promised.
29th of May 2011
Subject: Working title of your letter: How to “kill” Lokie…
Original writing and photo © Gia Joseph and Giasuniverse, 2015