Part 44 Horribly Beautiful Limerence

Sun behind Clouds Giasuniverse

As the clock stroke midnight on the last day of December, a strange mix of excitement and fierce determination hung in the air. This new year, the year 2011 would be THE year when everything would fall into place. Her life would change forever. Gia was sure of it. And while the day and night took their turns, thoughts of Lokie and the possible answers she would get were constantly on her mind. It was an endless stream of happiness, a non stop film of possible outcomes in front of her very eyes that sustained her life.

Gia knew by now that she could not move on with her life without confronting the past. Only then she would finally be free like the wind howling outside the window of her old house. Free of the pain and the curse, stretching her wings like the birds flying in the sky without a care. Free to be happy, free of the obsession and the unwanted thoughts hijacking her brain for so long. Free from seeing signs in everything no matter how insignificant or trivial. How might that feel? She couldn’t wait for life without Lokie, her constant unwanted ghost companion. Since she was a teenager he was there, he became a part of Gia and would not let her go. This was it. A giant boulder that she struggled to roll to the top of a steep mountain for so many years was finally there, all set and ready waiting to roll down.

She already planned a better life, taking control, looking for a job and being on a journey of self discovery…Just the thought of it was filling her with joy and excitement. The possibilities were endless. Gia knew that she could do anything she put her mind to it. The girls had already decided that the reunion would take place at the end of May, and as Gia purchased the plane tickets, it had became more real in that very instant. She so wanted for Lokie to know, to relieve him of his sadness, to give him hope…

31st of January 2011

To: Lokie

Hi Luke,

Leni suggested the end of May for our 15 year reunion. What do you think? I hope that you will make it this time πŸ™‚

Take care for now.

Gia x

Gia could picture Lokie opening the email and smile. There was no reason to be sad anymore about missing their last reunion. He just got another chance. How wonderful! But as the days rolled into one another, there was no joyous response from Lokie. There was no response at all. Something was wrong. This was not supposed to happen. What was going on? Did something happen to Lokie? Did Gia do anything wrong? Did she scare him by the intensity of it all? She was extremely careful not to, but what was she thinking? She couldn’t fool him, he could sense the intensity, the force of her determination to make this happen. The vast physical distance was not a barrier to her feelings getting through. Damn!

Yes, he sensed it, but how did he interpret it? Oh, please Lokie, please do not think that Gia wants you, you know as a lover or a partner because that’s not it! All she wants is a cure, a cure to her madness, and some answers, that’s all. Please! Oh, God what if he is right? Was that really all she wanted? Had she been fooling herself? No, that was impossible! Either way, to know for sure she had to see him. But now Lokie reverted into his old mysterious self, and Gia had no idea if he would even go to the damn reunion.

She was standing atop of the windblown mountain right next to the giant boulder staring into the dark abyss down below. Pain was with her, as well Frustration, Fear and Anger together with the agonizing Helplessness, they wouldn’t leave her alone, tugging at her bones and insides, getting ready for a feast. Their salivating was too much to bear. Gone are the days of Happiness’ visits. It seemed that the dark Obsession of uninvited worry and the unwanted Desperation for answers had moved in permanently, refusing to leave. And in her clouded mind Gia thought she had done all she could, she refused to give in. No, there is no way they would win! Because she, Gia would get throughout this with or without Lokie! If he won’t show up, she would smash Madness to pieces on her own because this was no way to live.

But there was still time and Hope. The cursed Hope that pretended to be her best friend when in fact she was helping the Madness bunch all along keeping Love away. Gia tried to shun her away but she insistently whispered in her ear, ” Let me and Patience help you, Gia, you know the possibilities!”

“No, Hope you are wrong! Leave me alone!”

“Gia, dear think about it, there is a perfectly innocent explanation for Lokie not answering your email, and he is like you, you know that, don’t you? He also wants to see you, to look into your eyes one more time, to take journey into another world-.”

“Shut up!”

“No, Gia remember Lokie? Think of him, of all the answers he has for you…now now, here sit with Patience, it won’t be long now…”

“Please Hope, don’t do this…”

“I am not trying to hurt you Gia, I am trying to lead you to Happiness and Love, but if you really want, I’ll go and leave you alone with Madness.”

“No, please do not go, you are right, I have nothing to loose, there is still time…I’ll wait with you and Patience…”

“Good girl.” smiled Hope.

Although Gia was defeated by Hope again, she wouldn’t give in completely, she was sure there was another way or reason for all of this. Surely Lokie was not the only one with answers? What if he couldn’t help her to fight the Madness even if he wanted to? There was another entity that could have some answers. The Internet. Sure enough there it was – her Madness had a name.

Meet Limerence.

According to Wikipedia “Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person typically including compulsive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship and have one’s feelings reciprocated. Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the term “limerence” for her 1979 book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love.”

Gia was astonished. Tears of recognition and relief were falling in her lap as she read everything she could find about limerence. This was the closest explanation of what she was experiencing. It was all there – the intrusive obsessive thinking, shyness, daydreaming, the desire for emotional reciprocation from Lokie-her Limerent Object (LO). She recognized the intense joy when Lokie “reciprocated” back at school by locking eyes with her and theΒ extreme despair when she thought he didn’t care. She knew she was addicted to the strange euphoria that limerence brought her.

Limerence makes you loose your mind, no matter how intelligent you are or where you come from. It hijacks your brain against your will, it makes you analyze LO’s actions, looking for signs of reciprocation. And the more obstacles or barriers to your “relationship” unfolding, the stronger the feelings become. It could be caused by low serotonin in the brain similar to Obssessive Compulsive Disorder sufferers, but due to lack of proper research limerence has not been recognized as a mental disorder yet.

A fog had started to lift from Gia’s brain, she was not totally crazy. At least she was right about one thing-this was definitely not love. Lokie had been her Limerent Object. Her addiction, a downward spiral to another world she escaped to in times of life hardships. It all made sense. The constant replaying of what transpired with Lokie over and over again in her head, daydreaming of different outcomes and different future scenarios.

Remember Cinema Paralysis or Bus Stop Shock? Yep, limerence played out in all her glory, including the physical experience of it. The shortness of breath, incapacitation, pounding heart, flushing and weakness…., insomnia and loss of appetite, extensive anxiety and incorrect behavior

Tenov said that sexual attraction is necessary, but it’s almost never the main focus. The “return of feelings” is the main goal of a limerent person. Gia couldn’t believe that someone described her own feelings so perfectly. She could never understand why she was drawn to Lokie in such a powerful way yet didn’t desire or daydream about physical intimacy with him. Even now as a grownup she was convinced she didn’t want anything to happen between them, all she wanted was to talk to him, to be acknowledged…or what? What was it she wanted from him? She was not sure exactly, she hoped she would know once she saw him…

Original writing and photo Β© Gia Joseph and Giasuniverse, 2015

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About giasuniverse

I am compelled to create, I now realize that this is a gift from God, I want to make him happy by sharing it with others. My aim is to bring enjoyment to people, and help in any way I can. I wish to know and do many things. Some of them I do and others I do in my imaginary life. A life long learner, a truth seeker, a philosopher, a dreamer, an adventurer, an artist, and a writer on this wonderful journey called life.

9 responses to “Part 44 Horribly Beautiful Limerence”

  1. Unknown says :

    I was soo happy when I found out that there was such a thing as “Limerence.” At first, I didn’t know how to describe my feelings for someone who has been out of my life for nearly five years. I didn’t know why I was still thinking about him and hoping that we could resume where we stopped. I was in denial when I realized that I was actively obsessing about him. I wanted it to stop because it consumed my mind every single day… as if every action I have been doing was something that will make the him return.
    I am very glad that I have found your blog!!!! I am so happy that I am not alone! Everything you’ve mentioned in your post: the over-analyzing the limerent object’s actions such as why he hasn’t replied or why he responded months later were my absolute obsession.
    I wish there was a definite cure for our obsession, but like you said, it might just be a “gift” for an imaginative mind.

    Keep writing!!! I’m looking forward in reading your next post πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • giasuniverse says :

      Yeah, me too! What a relief to find out that the craziness had a name and there are others going through this! Do you know Limerence Experienced on tribe? http://tribes.tribe.net/limerence There are so many people going through this posting their stories, and thoughts on everything limerence, they have some great and intelligent ideas how to cure it and the causes of it. Some think that limerence is about us and not about LO at all. LO just activates something inside of us that needs healing. And it has something to do with our childhood, I am quite convinced that in my case that’s true (very difficult father-daughter relationship). One day I might figure it all out πŸ˜€ I am getting some new insights through my writing. Thank you for your comment I am glad you like my writing, but I have to warn you the ending is quite shocking and sad, but my limerence is definitely gone.x

      Liked by 1 person

      • Unknown says :

        Thanks Gia for sharing that site! I will definitely check it out because I’m growing more desperate in putting a stop on my obsession. I do believe that it has something to do with us and not the LO because there have been some revelations that I have found about myself that was not directly related to the LO. He somehow triggered it, but it does stem all the way to my childhood. I’m really interested in looking at that site. Thank youuu for sharing!!!

        I look forward in reading the ending. Although, right now, even reading the part where Gia found out Lokie has a child, that’s kind of heart-wrenching to me. I can relate so much! Hopefully, I don’t get to that point where I’d see my LO’s new family.

        Also, what do you mean by your limerence is gone? Do you mean you’re over him?

        Like

      • giasuniverse says :

        You are welcome! Yes, LO is definitely a trigger, it’s so complex though and confusing! There are many reasons why we fall in love (fall in limerence) with a particular person, that has nothing to do with love at all. It could do something with issues that we wish to work through. In my most desperate moment I bought an e-book,(something called how to get over someone quickly, I don’t remember exactly) The author takes somewhat cynical view that love is not real and explains all the different reasons for falling for a particular person. Of the few I remember there was an example of a guy who was always mean to his sister as a kid, when he grew up he felt so guilty about that, he then met a girl who reminded him (subconsciously) of his sister and he fell for her. It could be something in the person’s looks or personality that reminds you of something from your past that you wish to solve through the relationship (subconsciously). He also dispels the myth of a soul mate. I could dig it out and send you a link if you like. Tennov said something very interesting that we fall in limerence when we are in a “state of readiness” we are open to fall in love, we invite it in..It’s a lot to think about… I feel your pain, and I wish you can get past this, I really do! As for my limerence, it changed, I am saying that it is gone, but it is more complicated than that. You will see what I mean when I finish the story. All I can say right now is that there are two major factors that keep us in a state of limerence-uncertainty and hope, when these are gone the limerence will go too. It took me many years to deal with the aftermath to even start writing about it. Thank you for reading, I will be checking your blog to see your progress!PS: I love the pic in your profile, did you draw it?xx

        Like

      • Unknown says :

        I would love for you share that link! I think my thoughts of my limerent is getting a lot stronger since summer is around the corner: the time when I met him and shared some beautiful memories together.

        I think he came in the right timing: when I was ready to fall in love and was open for a new romance. I didn’t expect it to be that beautiful, which is why it’s so hard to forget! UGHH!!!! I hope that in trying to forget my limerent, it wouldn’t take forever!

        PS. I didn’t draw the pic in my profile hehe I found it somewhere xD

        Like

      • giasuniverse says :

        Okay, I will look for the link and send it to you. I know what you mean with summer approaching bringing all the memories, that sucks! Hey you can always talk to me about it I will help if I can! Believe that you can get through it. Tennov says there are 3 ways of getting rid of it 1.RECIPROCATION If your LO reciprocates (I guess that option is out) 2.REJECTION Loosing all the hope of ever getting reciprocation (by either making a decision and going NO contact-easier said than done and it doesn’t always work, or full disclosure to LO and being rejected by him beyond shadow of a doubt) 3.TRANSFERENCE Becoming limerent over someone else.(this would be good only if the new LO was a mutual limerent though). Other coping strategies include: getting really busy with something enjoyable, but what is more enjoyable than daydreaming about LO? Any distraction is good-are you starting a new job soon? Or joining an evening class or a group, a hobby…Something where you meet and interact with other people, so you do not have time to think and daydream. And focusing on LO’s bad characteristics or something that he does that you do not like that could bring him down of the pedestal a little. πŸ™‚ Hope this helps a little. xx

        Like

      • Unknown says :

        Thank you sooo much Gia!!!!!!!! I think I have been busy with nursing school for the past 4 years and I still can’t forget him. Transference: I can’t have a present LO… I can’t seem to make my husband as my present LO as much as I want to. Partly because I’m scared that I’ll be needy and I’ll lose him.
        Ultimately, the only thing I’m hoping for and probably the most painful out of all the efforts I’ve done is receiving rejection from my LO. I want him to say, “Okay I’m done with you, Okay you’re a creep for obsessing over me.” If I hear those words, I know I’ll hate him and be done with him forever! I’m still waiting for his reply to my email and to this day, I have not received it yet 😦

        Like

      • giasuniverse says :

        You are welcome K! Ah yeah, your option was my option too in the end, I was so desperate for it to end that I didn’t care about anything else. I felt so stupid and crazy and embarrassed beyond believe, but the utter despair was much worse and none of that mattered. I am thinking of you! Be strong you can do this, one day you will be over this whole thing! xoxox

        Like

      • Unknown says :

        Thank youuuu ! I’m trying, veryyyy hard but it’s not working I think hahah!

        Like

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