Part 43 Serene Limbo

Dark palm tree sun

There was calmness, but not the usual type, it was just a perceived stillness with restlessness deep underneath. Life was moving around Gia like a slow motion picture. She didn’t protest or fight it, she felt somehow protected in her serene limbo. Acting now would be impossible, and she knew it. As if she stood on top of a rugged cliff looking far into furious masses of ocean’s emerald waters. She was mesmerized by the beauty of the sunrise, by the waves crashing into the cliff spitting white foam into the air, by the beauty of nature and the endless possibilities and all life. Even though there were heavy purple gray clouds on the horizon and birds flying low signaling an impeding storm, she knew she could only look at it, as stepping in right now was not a possibility.

And as the days were becoming shorter and darker inching towards Christmas, she was biding her time. The rain and wind hammering to the old house walls on daily basis didn’t affect Gia. She would know instinctively when the time was right. She always did. If all she had to do for now was wait, then that was easy. She had already waited so many years, so a few more months or even one more year to find the answers from Lokie wouldn’t make a difference, right?

Besides, now she had something, she knew where Lokie was and they were in touch. He was so agonizingly close yet still so far, it was killing her but not as much.

Several months passed fairly quickly when she woke up one day and sensed the calmness of the ocean, she looked into the sky and knew that it was time to step in gently. It was safe to let the water wash over her feet, to find out that is was real and still there.

13th December 2010

To: the whole class

I finally uploaded the photos from the reunion, sorry for the delay guys! Take care Gia x

To: Lokie

Hey, How are you? What did you say you teach? And what about your art? I am looking for a job at the moment, but it’s going nowhere right now.

Do you still like metal music? You had quite an interesting musical evolvement-death metal-Beatles-Vivaldi..?? I can’t even imagine where else it progressed to 🙂

I am not so tough anymore ha ha, but my favorite genre is still metal/rock.

Take care

Gia x

14th December 2010

To Gia:

….the photos, that was not a good idea at all, I feel really sad now that I was not there with you…oh well nothing can be done now…I am a big animal at the Art Institute in Sitav, I lecture on art history and art. I have neither the time nor the enthusiasm for my own creations to be honest…I have lots of stuff half done and I am not able to finish it…about my musical development…I froze on the metal and rock too, I think it’s for life, even though at one point I listened to “divine Kaja”, BSP, Slovakian Peha, Team and ELO…, but then I quickly went back to the stuff we listened to as teenagers…although there is a level of mellowing…obviously.

Have a nice time,

take care Luke

A relief. A wave after wave gently washed her feet, burying her toes in the sand. She closed her eyes and raised her head and let the sun kiss her cheeks, as the nature’s symphony echoed all around. Lokie was still there. Relaxed, friendly even witty in his responses. He sincerely expressed again how sad he felt about missing the reunion. She sensed he meant it, even more now. But why was he so sad, really? Could it be because of Gia? Because of everything and nothing that happened? Because he missed the chance to fix the past? Perhaps.

And there was Peter of course, his only friend. Lokie never talked to anybody else. Nobody. In four years of studies Gia had never seen him talk to another person apart from Peter and herself. He didn’t seem to care about anybody, on the last day of school he quickly left without a backward glance. Without celebrating with the others or saying goodbye. So why would he be so sad now that he missed seeing all these people he never cared about? It had to be Gia. It just had to. He felt something, sadness and that had always been their thing forever.

Then again, maybe he did change, he was a lecturer now. Lokie! The reclusive soul that kept to himself was able to stand in front of a room full of people and present a lecture. Gia could not imagine that at all. How strange, but that was Lokie – always strange and mysterious. That never changed.

For now at least a big-small victory, they finally had some sort of normal interaction, not the deranged communication attempts and crazy reactions they had in the past. This was actually huge for them. Even though they still weren’t able to say what they really wanted to say. Yep, she knew he could see him too – the elephant in the room, or rather the elephant in the email. Perhaps that’s why he didn’t ask her anything. That’s what made Gia sad a little, because there was a possibility that he really was not that interested, unless the questions he could ask in the email weren’t the questions he wanted to ask. Yep, just like Gia, he wouldn’t risk writing openly about that stuff because they were both married. Yes, that would be totally inappropriate.

Gia waved and the clouds dispersed like magic. Lokie sent her a photo too, and she didn’t even ask him to…She smiled. Lokie and his little boy flying a kite in an autumn countryside. Both wearing sunglasses. He looked exactly the same, same style of clothes, similar hair style. The kid was a spitting image of his dad. A miniature Lokie. They looked happy.

Was THAT a message? Something like, yeah I am sad about everything, but look I have a life now, a kid, and we are happy… It’s not like Gia would want anything happening with him anyway. Just talk to him once, really talk about everything, and then close the chapter of this mystery novel, and be really happy…

16th of December 2010

To: Luke

Thank you for the photo, your boy is a cutie 😉 Oh, and sorry about the photos, but don’t mourn, there will be another reunion soon!

Yeah, it’s the same for me with my paintings. Divine Kaja?? Lol

Take Care and have a nice Christmas. x

And so, all was well for now. Gia sat down in her favorite spot on top of the cliff and looked into the far and beyond. The sun was almost gone into the ocean for it’s evening bath, painting the sky in the most magnificent multicolor explosion. A gentle breeze played with her hair and Gia smiled, she knew that she would see Lokie soon, because the girls started to plan their next reunion for the following May.

Original writing and photo © Gia Joseph and Giasuniverse, 2015.

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About giasuniverse

I am compelled to create, I now realize that this is a gift from God, I want to make him happy by sharing it with others. My aim is to bring enjoyment to people, and help in any way I can. I wish to know and do many things. Some of them I do and others I do in my imaginary life. A life long learner, a truth seeker, a philosopher, a dreamer, an adventurer, an artist, and a writer on this wonderful journey called life.

2 responses to “Part 43 Serene Limbo”

  1. Unknown says :

    Limerence is by far, the most unforgettable and influential romance, that our hearts choose to hold onto when the mind wants to forget. This is what I’ve felt about my limerent romance with a man from 5 years ago. I cannot forget him and somehow, my thoughts of him returns when I’m in my most vulnerable state.

    Like

    • giasuniverse says :

      You said it perfectly, I also realized the pattern of limerence attacks at times of my vulnerable states, a way of escaping or avoiding reality. Unfortunately an unimaginable despair, that is far worse than anything going bad in my real life, always comes after the ecstatic bliss. Why is my brain so against me?

      Like

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