Part 42 Edge of the Vortex
The storm outside, as well as the inner one, subsided providing much needed break from the emotional overload of the past few months. But the perceived stillness was just an illusion because she stood right in the middle of the eye of the cyclone. Gia shunned away the uneasy feelings of the lurking danger, for she was so close to finding out everything…Too close in fact…a false sense of security blinded her as she stumbled about too close to the edge of the vortex.
13th of September 2010
…In the end I was glad, that I got home, the car is useless…the photo is quite good..I think I recognized everyone..Sitav is ok, I am an art advisor for itno..I have a there year old son, he takes up almost all my time and energy…I feel quite sad now that I didn’t make it there…I have to think it through better for next time…have a nice time and write sometimes again…take care Luke
Round and round…thoughts of Lokie, in her head…. He moved to Sitav four years ago, right around the time of their ten year reunion, and his “disappearance” from the website…she only found a trail that he left behind….He said that he felt sad, yes Gia knew that, she felt sad too, but whose sadness was it, his or her own? Sometimes she felt things, she now suspected were not her own emotions. Some talk about psychic cords…connecting us to others…yes, but what kind of connection was it and why? And most importantly why him? What did it all mean? Over and over…
despair not elation,
unable to explain,
it’s hurting my brain,
like a high speed train,
trying in vain.
Calling for clarity,
out of this insanity,
this is not my reality,
but like a gravity,
in total inability,
maybe a possibility….
She hardly knew any real life facts about Lokie, but she intimately knew his mental states and emotions. As if he was part of her, as if he accidentally imprinted part of himself into her psyche, all those years ago. Accidentally? Or on purpose? Lokie started it all, calling out silently throughout his eyes. He had the answers. And now there was a real chance to get them. Gia knew she was close, but out of necessity Patience became her companion.
In the meantime signs could be anywhere…Curiously it was written in the Stars that they were doomed right from the start. Their chart full of difficult aspects – squares, oppositions, conjunctions, an impossible relationship. She already knew that it was not that kind of connection. Early on it confused her so much, she thought it was love. It couldn’t be, it didn’t make any sense. The very idea of them as a couple seemed unimaginable, it terrified her, repulsed her…The sheer strength of emotions would harm her….He knew it too, he was petrified of the same, yet…she sensed something else, but what? Were they supposed to help each other somehow? Learn something? Suffer for nothing? Impossible!
The Stars shockingly reflected reality.
“Illusion of love, imagination and fantasy….immediate connection, emotional influence, an inability to communicate. Irresistible pull…a powerful attraction, intense energy….danger and destruction. Threatened by each other, power struggle….Romeo and Juliet, taboo, secrecy, paranoia and aggression. Pluto and Persephone, despair and transformation.
A psychological damage, a process so intense and devastating it can make one or both of you emotionally exhausted. If in one or both of you is something dark, brutal or negative your relationship will bring it to the surface. Testing the power and resilience of one another, so that your relationship can be understood as a battlefield, to bring the deepest emotional truths to the surface…a cathartic effect.
The only real positive manifestation of this interaction lies in the cultivation of raw and basic energy and it’s subsequent use in the treatment of each other, or others. For this to happen, it is absolutely necessary to be spiritually mature. Overall what you have here could be termed as a sexual laser.”
What could be something dark, brutal or negative inside of her or him? What are the deepest emotional truths? How to become spiritually mature in order to use the raw energy to heal each other? A “sexual laser”? Is that it? Gia remembered the tension between them, but never thought of it as sexual attraction. She never even liked him in that way. She didn’t dream of even kissing him.
One time early on, when she still thought that it was love, she almost went there, in her daydream she tried to lean closer…her lips almost touching his, but it provoked an emotion so intense like a violent unstoppable force, feelings of such fear and panic, that she would never ever dare to go there again, not in her dream world and certainly not in the real life.
But she longed for something…For understanding, for peace, an approval…She wanted him to be happy, she longed for his embrace, and to tell him that everything is going to be okay. And whatever happens she would always care about him, she would take all the pain away from him, so she would stop hurting too…
Original writing and photo © Gia at Giasuniverse 2015.