Part 36 Nervous Anticipation
Gia waited nervous with anticipation for Lokie’s reply. What would it be? She had a tab with her inbox open, so she could quickly switch between the research for her assignment and her email. Thirty minutes later and no reply. It was still way too early, it might take a day or a few, so relax Gia! Her mind was bursting with thoughts of possible outcomes of her actions. The uncertainty and possibilities were intoxicating. What will Lokie’s reaction be? What will he do?
He was in for a surprise, that’s for sure. He might be pleased that Gia found him, and annoyed that she now knew about his new surname and his social club. In his mind he might wander back to the time when he and Gia started the strange eye lock game, he would probably smile at the memories of their first attempts at getting to know each other. Then he would frown at the memory of the second school trip fiasco, and the weird encounters between them ever since.
But Lokie knew why some of it happened, and Gia wanted answers. She just had to know, what it all meant, and why it still haunted her years later. Perhaps he too might like to get some answers from Gia, and if he did, Gia would be more than happy to try to explain.
In the end Gia was glad that she had to go to work. The waiting was driving her insane, as there was nothing she could do, but wait. She didn’t have access to her email at work, which helped to prevent the obsessive checking for a reply, but it it didn’t help with the weird sort altered state of a daydream she was in. In her head with Lokie…
Later that night when she got home, she dropped her bag by the door and rushed to the computer. Refresh. And…No reply. What? There should be a reply by now. Why? She just could’t comprehend, why he wouldn’t reply to her email. Perhaps he still hadn’t checked his mail today. Tomorrow then. Yes. For sure. There would be a reply tomorrow. For sure! But there was no answer the next day, or the day after. The days were passing by, and soon a week rolled by, and there was no email from Lokie.
Gia still checked her inbox and spam folder every day, albeit less enthusiastically, less frequently…By then she knew, that he wouldn’t write. Of all the possible scenarios she replayed in her head, this was the one, she didn’t elaborate on, that’s why she didn’t expect it at all. However much he had changed, he obviously still had a problem with Gia, he was not pleased that he was found, he did not want to speak to Gia, let alone see her or anyone else from the class for that matter.
The lack of reply was speaking volumes to Gia. Leave me alone I don’t want to talk to you, and I certainly do not want to go to your stupid reunion. Right then. There is nothing Gia could do about it. Not that she wanted to now, because if he didn’t want to see her again neither did Gia. He obviously didn’t care. There was nothing. What was she thinking?! There was no change, it was still the same. There was no point. At all.
And so life went on and despite everything, the reunion was a success. Only about three people didn’t turn up, but the rest had a great time reminiscing about the past, and sharing stuff about their life. In the end Gia was glad, that she could enjoy the reunion without stressing about Lokie. And it was not completely fruitless, because she got a few more puzzle pieces, snippets of information, clues to Lokie’s weirdness. Peter shared, that Lokie found out in the last year of their studies, that he was adopted. Well that must have been a shocker. That would explain his moodiness and his sporadic school attendance. See Gia, not everything was about you! He was dealing with something heavy, he was shocked, disillusioned and he questioned his whole existence, and you haven’t made it easy for him, that’s for sure! If only Gia knew, she would have tried harder to be there for him, at the time when he really needed a friend.
Worse yet, he once saw his alcoholic father threatening his mother with a gun. Oh, Lokie, no wonder you were screwed up! Gia felt so sad for him, she had no idea what he was going through at home at that time, this was a heavy s**t, that’s for sure! She felt so sad, that not only that she didn’t help him, she probably added to his turmoil. But she didn’t know. She didn’t know….
That would explain why Lokie didn’t like Gia drinking alcohol, and perhaps why he changed his surname. Maybe he found his real parents and took their surname. Perhaps. Poor Lokie! Being adopted might also be the reason, why he was involved with the social club, being a role model and helping other kids. Okay, that made sense. Finally something Lokie did made sense! All this info was quite shocking and difficult to process for Gia, and given his latest rejection of her attempt to reconnect with him, most of the strong feelings she had sort of dissolved, and the “limerbeast” was put to sleep once more.
Soon after that Gia got another shocker. She was pregnant with her first baby. Once the news sank in, she was overjoyed and strangely excited. She found it almost surreal that there was a baby inside her. Drew and Gia kind of planned it, but she didn’t think it would happen straight away. A new chapter of Gia’s life had just started.
She still checked Lokie’s website here and there, but somehow there was no mention of him any more, as if he disappeared on purpose, as if he knew he was being watched by Gia, and he made sure he was not in any more photos. Apart from one, where he was wearing a mask. Gia was tired of speculating, she got the message, and she was fine with that for now. She was sort of content with knowing that Lokie was alive and well, somewhere in the world.
Besides she had someone else to worry about, her baby and Drew, their little loving family. She was more than happy about that.
Original writing and photo Copyright 2015 Gia.