Part 35 Another Piece of Puzzle
It was truly a miracle, finding Lokie like this. Gia must have overlooked the picture before, how is that even possible? It’s the smile, that confused her. She couldn’t help staring at the photo. Wow, Lokie as she didn’t know him. All grown up and smiling. How much has he changed? Was he happy? She just couldn’t believe, that she might actually meet him again, and possibly find out. And more! She was very close to finding out what really happened to them all those years ago.
But when they see each other, will they just stare into each other’s eyes, and be all awkward like before, or will they be able to actually finally talk like normal people? And will Gia feel the same about him? Gia thought, that it might either be exactly the same, or the complete opposite. She kind of hoped, that when she’ll see him again, she’d feel nothing, more like oh, so this is the guy I wanted so much, and he is not all that!
Million thoughts, and every kind of emotion were intoxicating Gia. The excitement, anticipation, fear, doubt, disbelieve, and curiosity rotating and overlapping each other in a crazy dance. Entering Gia’s brain, like a magical juice flowing through her heart, into her limbs, and out of her fingertips into to the infinity and beyond.
What a strange sensation to get another piece of puzzle of Lokie. It felt kind of wrong to read every bit of text on the website, look at every picture, so obsessively and to watch this part of Lokie’s life emerging. She was totally intruding, and violating his privacy, this was not for her eyes, as innocent as it was, she knew it, but couldn’t help herself. She was dying to know more about Lokie, so she could get to know more about herself. Besides it was out there for anyone to look at, right?
And it seemed, that Lokie was no longer the loner, that he used to be. He seemed popular and well liked by the adults and the children alike in this social group he was part of. Taking part in trips, games, or activities. Smiling in group photos. Gia looked at everything. What caused such a drastic change in Lokie?
There was something else that caught her attention in those photos. A woman, similar age, not striking, kind of normal looking, as if you wouldn’t notice her at first, yet there was something about her. Gia knew they were together. There were no pictures of them “together”, or anything specific, but somehow Gia knew, and she was a little surprised, because she’d imagine a different kind of girl with him. And although Gia knew it was childish, she couldn’t help comparing, and she was secretly pleased, that the girl was not that pretty.
The reunion was set for late June. Gia gave Lokie’s phone number to Leni and Peter, but they couldn’t get hold off him, and Gia decided to send him an email. She thought really hard how to write it. It should be short and factual, and careful, (given their communication disasters from the past), but all these words were flooding her brain of what she really wanted to write to him, such as:
I am so incredibly glad, that you are not dead, and that I finally found you! I thought, that it would never be possible, because you were such a private person. I feared, that you would be lost forever, and I’d never find out the truth. It is really weird, that I am actually writing you an email. There are so many things, that I want to know, that I want to ask you…
Like, what the heck was it, between us back then? What did those intense eye locks mean? I mean, I got such an euphoria from it, it was like a drug to me, but it was also quite unnerving and frustrating. Was it the same for you? Why did you do it, but never talked to me? Why did we mess up every opportunity we had, to talk? I was so young, stupid and confused. I just want to let you know, that I never meant to hurt you, I am sorry about my outburst the one time on our school trip. I actually really wanted to get to know you, and talk to you, hang out, you know…, but for some reason, I found it really hard to do that. I think, you thought I was a bit crazy, and I guess I was, I just didn’t have a clue how to behave around boys (I cared about). I think it might have something to do with my father, with whom I never got on. It has affected me.
But I always sensed (emotionally and telepathically), that there is something connecting us, like we could help each other or something, I don’t know. There was something strange, that I didn’t, and still don’t understand, and sometimes I wonder, you know what it all meant. I know that it sounds crazy, because it was such a long time ago, but still, as I go through life trying to figure out the world, life and death, myself, love and relationships, somehow I feel, that what you tell me might help me to figure it all out.
I fully realize, that this a really weird email, but relax, I am married and I live in England, so it’s not like I am trying anything, you know, I just never stopped wondering, and maybe so did you, who knows! But anyway we can discuss this at the reunion we are planning at the end of June. It would be really nice to see you there. So please come. By the way, you probably won’t believe it, but my husband is Drew, yeah-THE Artist Drew. I know, my life is kind of weird and interesting, I guess.
PS: I would actually absolutely love it, if you could comment on the above, if you could explain at least some of it, you know, that would be awesome, because I am actually really dying to know. But it’s totally up to you, just please come to the reunion. Thanks. Cheers. Peace. Love. Oh, just shut up already, Gia! Concentrate, you can never possibly send him an email like this, it would just confirm to him, that you in fact are totally crazy. Even thought you just so totally know, that he knows, that you know, anyway try again, maybe something like this:
June 6th 2006
Peter and Leni tried calling you, without success. We are organizing a ten year reunion on the 24th of June. So far everybody, but Kai will be there, even the teacher. I hope you will make it too. We have been planning this since last year, and it was quite hard to find you all! (a change of surname didn’t help ;-))
So, let me know if you’ll come, or you can call Leni, she is the main organizer.
Anyway, how are you? I’ve been living in England for the past ten years, studying etc. 🙂
Take care for now.
She checked the email like a hundred times, before she was satisfied, that it sounded normal and light hearted, and then finally pressed send. Lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub……….
Original photo and writing by Gia Copyright 2015.